Updated July 2026
If you’re trying to figure out whether what you’re seeing is childhood anxiety, here’s what it actually looks like — not the textbook version, the real one.
You’re late — again.
Your child slept in because they struggled to get to sleep last night.
You rush around trying to get everyone ready for the day ahead. Your child is crying or screaming, and telling you they don’t feel well. They don’t want to eat breakfast, because who wants to eat when they don’t feel well, right?
Yesterday it was the same story, only he was telling you he couldn’t breathe well.
Tomorrow she’ll be telling you she thinks she’s going to throw up.
Some mornings it passes fairly quickly, and you’re so very grateful. Some mornings it doesn’t pass quickly, and it feels like all-out war. You’re exhausted by 8:30am, worried about your child, and convinced somewhere along the way you messed up BIG TIME.
In the absence of other symptoms, and if this happens often enough that you’re nodding your head right now, your child might have anxiety.
It keeps us on alert when danger is present; it can keep us safe.
Anxiety only becomes a problem when it’s excessive, there is no rational reason for the worry or fear, and when it is impacting your life negatively.
For example:
Normal anxiety: That person is making me feel anxious, I’m going to run away ASAP.
Excessive anxiety: Every person I don’t know makes me feel anxious; I’m going to avoid ALL of them, if possible.
Normal anxiety: A dog bit me last month, and now I’m anxious about all dogs.
Excessive anxiety: All animals trigger a complete meltdown that lasts for a long time.
Normal anxiety: Being anxious on the first day of school.
Excessive anxiety: Having anxiety every morning before school, when there is no rational explanation.
If it feels like you’re seeing more childhood anxiety than you used to, you’re not imagining it. In the U.S., diagnosed anxiety in kids ages 3–17 rose from 8.2% in 2016 to 12.8% in 2023 — and among teens 12–17, it’s now closer to 1 in 5. (CDC, Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health)
That doesn’t make it less worrying when it’s your kid in front of you. But it does mean you’re far from alone, and the tools that help are well understood.
Because they’re little, and don’t always know how to express what they’re feeling — and because anxiety can be physically felt differently in different people — it looks different for everyone, which makes it tricky to figure out.
If you are able to get to the root of the symptoms, and determine if there is a valid cause, you will have a better idea if your child has anxiety. For example, if the tummy ache is rare, and accompanied by physical sickness vs. frequent and happens at the same time every day. Or if there was an incident that caused a specific phobia (e.g. dog attack, scary spider) vs. a phobia that has no origin you know of.
Anxiety in kids often presents as:
When people talk about “having anxiety,” they might be talking about two different things. They could be talking about a diagnosed condition, or they might be using the term anxiety to describe a feeling.
Strictly speaking, anxiety isn’t a condition, it’s a feeling. It’s a natural emotion that is normal and healthy to feel sometimes, in the same way that it’s normal to feel anger, sadness, and frustration. We WANT our kids to feel some anxiety, and to learn what to do with that BIG feeling, so that they can handle it when they are older. Kids who never learn to handle anxious feelings will struggle later in life — when they don’t make a high school team, want to ask someone out, or have to prepare for an exam.
Understanding anxiety requires understanding something called the “stress response,” or the “fight or flight system.” This is a natural body process that prepares you, mentally and physically, to deal with challenges.
It starts with a stressor — usually some kind of perceived threat (e.g. a new person or situation). This triggers the release of hormones that help different parts of your mind and body communicate with each other.
These chemicals lead to a number of changes in the way your body works, including changes you probably don’t notice (like slowing down your digestion) and changes you probably do notice (a faster heartbeat and a change in breathing).
Faster breathing helps more oxygen get into your blood, and a faster heartbeat helps circulate that oxygenated blood through your body, especially to your muscles. (It’s a GREAT response if you need to run away!)
Usually, these symptoms come on somewhat gradually, due to something you have good reason to worry about. It usually isn’t scary, and it may even help you do what you need to do to resolve or leave the situation. In these cases, a big reaction makes sense.
Sometimes, however, it comes on quickly, which makes it seem more scary. It may be brought on by fears of things that aren’t likely to happen.
Those changes to the heartbeat and breathing may be so severe that they cause chest pain and light-headedness. Your child may even feel like they are going to die. This is called an “anxiety attack” or “panic attack,” and it’s a major sign that they might have an anxiety disorder or a related condition.
Keep in mind that for kids, the perceived “threat” might be something that seems insignificant to adults. A certain food texture, animals, new places, or people can all be causes, and make children feel anxious.
There are a number of quizzes and symptom checkers online you can use to try to determine whether your child has anxiety. None of them are a substitute for talking to your doctor, but they’re a great place to start.
There’s no real test for anxiety, so a diagnosis is usually based on the symptoms a child describes to a general healthcare provider or mental health professional.
Treatment may range from prescription medication to talk therapy to diet and lifestyle changes, depending on the nature and severity of the symptoms and on the preferences of the parents and child. For mild-to-moderate anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — where a child gradually learns to tolerate anxiety rather than avoid it — is the treatment most experts recommend first. (Child Mind Institute)
This is the part most parenting advice skips, and it’s the part that matters most.
When your child is anxious, the instinct is to protect them from whatever’s triggering it — skip the birthday party, let them stay home, do the thing for them so they don’t have to face it. It works, in the moment. Everyone calms down.
But every time we help a child avoid what scares them, we teach their brain that the thing really was dangerous — and next time, the anxiety comes back a little stronger. Avoidance is the fuel anxiety runs on.
The better move: show empathy for the feeling without reinforcing the fear. “I know this feels scary. I also know you can do hard things, and I’m right here.” Then let them face the smaller version of the thing, with your support, instead of skipping it entirely.
This is genuinely hard to do in the moment. Nobody wants to watch their kid struggle. But it’s the single most effective thing you can do. (Child Mind Institute, How to Help a Child With Anxiety)
Practice deep breathing. Encourage kids to practice deep breathing, so the entire brain gets enough oxygen in times of stress. Try:
Read together. Books that help kids understand how they’re feeling — and learn it’s normal — go a long way.
Praise the effort, not the outcome. Any attempt to solve the problem, try something new, or face a fear should get praise (“You tried so hard!” “You must be so proud of that effort!”) rather than praise tied to the outcome (“Yay, you won!”). This reduces the anxious feelings that get tied to “success.”
Check in regularly to make sure your child is getting the support they need.
Awareness — let the teacher know your concerns about your child’s anxiety. Be specific; “my child has anxiety” isn’t enough for a teacher to act on.
Triggers — when is your child most likely to be anxious? Common ones: transitions, the beginning of the day, eating times, group times, talking in front of the class.
Allies — share what strategies work at home: relaxation strategies, talking it out, having a few minutes alone.
If you suspect childhood anxiety is behind some of what you’re seeing at home, start by paying attention to the pattern — what triggers it, how often, how it presents. Talk to your child’s doctor or teacher. And reach for the resource that fits your child’s age: for younger kids, a book like I Can Handle It gives them language for what they’re feeling; for the classroom, the lesson plans and mantra decks give teachers a way to reinforce it all year.
The good news: there are real, well-understood tools for this, and you and your child are not alone in it.
Have questions you still want answered? Let me know below.
